Learning To Stop Being My Own Naysayer

laird-hamilton-quote-own-worst-enemy

The hardest part about looking for my life’s passion is that I have no idea where to look or what I am even looking for. All I know is that I want to find deeper meaning in my life with what I do for work, and in my personal time. Obviously I get random ideas, this last weekend I was on the chair lift at Big Bear and an instructor there informed that they are always looking for part-time instructors. And I was tempted, but for every idea that pops in my head, there are usually three reasons waiting for me on why it can’t be done. Whether it is toying with the idea of going back to being a ski instructor (hello three hour commute) to completely changing career fields and becoming a recruiter, I catch myself shutting these ideas down before I ever mentally explore them. In this process of self-discovery, I cannot let the voice between my ears get in the way, so I resolve to do the following:

1. Recognize when I am getting in my own way, and STOP.

2. Write down every idea as it presents itself, that way if I try and shoo an idea away, it has a chance to be referenced later and mulled over.

3. For every reason I come up as to why I shouldn’t do something, find a reason why I should. Give a fair and balanced voice to the ideas as they come.

2014 is the year of change, but change can only come from wanting change and letting it in.

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Finding My Passion – The Beginning

Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it. 
- Buddha

The best way to begin this blog is to explain why I am starting it in the first place. While that isn’t an easy question to answer, it is an important thing to understand. To really explain how it came to this, I have to go back to the start of my college education: after changing majors several times and suffering several personal setbacks, I was at a loss as to what I should do for my career. I knew I was a smart, dedicated, and a valuable employee, but had no clue where that would take me. In the most modern of solutions, I Googled what I perceived to be my main set of skills and the first thing that came up was an article on public relations. After a little research I determined this was something I could do well and set about to find an internship.

Long story short, I got really good at what I did for work, but that didn’t mean I had a passion for it. Over the years I looked for ways to challenge myself at work and in my personal life, assuming that as long as I was stimulated and evolving I would be happy. My career moved into the fast-paced world of social media, where my desire to help people was filled on a daily basis. In 2010 I was a founding member of the Orange County Moishe House and helped to grow my local Jewish Community which ate up all my spare time, and also allowed me help other people, something I find deeply satisfying. I read things like The Happiness Project to try and find ways to be happier and grow as a person. I took a two week vacation to South Africa, fulfilling a long-time goal to travel alone to Africa.

But here I am in the present and I still wake up every day, with a good job, a supportive partner, a list of goals I am enjoying accomplishing, feeling tired and drained. That spark I used to feel, that passion for what I did is missing. It is no longer enough to be good at what I do for a living, now I want to be passionate about it. I want to be turned on and light up when I think about my work and how I spend my free time.

I am sure some people would consider this indulgent, others might think I am not grateful for what I have, but I am doing this because I want to appreciate my life even more. I am a passionate person, and I am seeking the things that make me feel passionate. This blog will track my journey as I research, test, and (hopefully) reveal what my life passion is. Hopefully I can uncover a few truths along the way that might eventually help other people who are in a similar place in their lives.